walkin

vtr in and as 'veerasamy'

The only person in Gollywood who provides me with more
unintentional, rib-tickling comedy entertainment than the
beloved Gabtun is T.Rajendar, now known by the numerologically
superior moniker Vijaya T.Rajendar (VTR). I was very happy
in the early 90s when the Tamil audience finally got tired of
his movies with their endless alliterative dialogues, thangachi
sentiments, outlandish sets and nine-alphabet titles
(o-ru-tha-yi-n-sa-ba-tha-m).

A prime example of his thangachi sentiment dialog can be
seen here

Once his movies started tanking, he did what any self-respecting
Tamil film persona does - jump into politics full-time. Thanks to
the ever-changing coalition configurations of TN politics and the
need for colorful characters during the campaign season, he was
totally busy and let Tamil movie fans sleep in peace.

He threatened to come back into mainstream consciousness with
the movie that launched Mumtaj (Mo-ni-sha-e-n-mo-na-li-sa).
Since it was supposed to be a youthful love story, he didn't don
the hero's role. I know that ~ET~ has watched the movie
umpteen times. Maybe he will be better suited to review it for us.

There was a lull after that so-bad-that-it-is-good movie. Before
the collective sigh of relief could be let out, he launched his son
in an eternal love story. When Simbu started tasting some
success, I thought that VTR will entrust his legacy(?!) to his
spawn and concentrate full-time to atleast getting the deposit
back for his party's candidates in future elections.

Alas, my hopes have been dashed by the news reports that
his movie 'Veerasamy' is ready for release after being
announced a few years back. The movie is expected to hit
the theatres anyday now. Be ready to suspend logic, vision
and hearing if you are forced by fate to watch it. Supposedly,
he has tried to introduce a new angle to the genre of different
love story movies, by not touching the heroine throughout
the entire movie. So in all stills, he stands atleast feet
away from the heroine, Mumtaj. I guess this will become
a popular strategy for heroines acting in future Gabtun
movies.

halloween weekend

It is a widely documented fact that the inner slut is given
a free pass to get out on halloween. But it seems like
stupidity also is forgiven during dress-like-a-ho day.
Some of my observations from the past weekend...
=======================================
1) ET calls me up on Wednesday to talk about the party
preparations. Suddenly, he said that he didn't know
how much booze to buy. I was accustomed to such zingers
from Jedi, but ET's googly stumped me. I controlled my
laughter and told him that he had mentioned that it was
BYOB in his evite. He was shocked and proceeded to check
the evite and be greeted by his own words - "strictly BYOB".
I sincerely wish that ET doesn't have party planner as one
of his career moving choices when his midlife crisis hits him.
That will be like SpiceTooth trying to become a nightclub
owner.
=======================================
2) Jedi and I left for the city in his car on Saturday.
He noticed a white-sneakered H1 guy trying to cross
the parking lot and was about to run over him (quixtar
has scarred him for life) before he spotted a petite H4
dutifully walking a few paces behind her pati. The car's
automatic female collision avoidance system switched
on. She was carrying some homecooked food in a vessel
in her hand. So we assumed that the couple was going
to some weekend get together with fellow H1 families.
Since she was wearing an odd assortment of clothes,
we further divined that they were headed to a halloween
party.

She had skin-tight pants with some splotchy brown
patterns on them. In the dim light, it looked like an
effort to mimic some animal's skin. She had a skirt
of some crazy hue over the pants. Since she had
covered the rest of her body with an oversize coat,
we couldn't see the total effect/intent of the costume.
After they crossed the lot, Jedi drove his car alongside
them, rolled down the window and asked the H4,
"What costume are you wearing? What are you
supposed to be?".

Till then the H1 guy was having a smug smile, happy
that the two sex-starved desi bachelors were ogling
his trophy wife. But after the harmless question, both
of them had the classic caught-in-the-headlights
look. With the squeakiest voice possible, she says,
"No. This is not a costume". The car's jetspeed
emergency escape system switched on and luckily
the couple didn't hear our cackles. Hope they have
a Gap in hell when I get there.
=======================================
3) ET's place was real quiet when we got there. And
the audio system refused to work right. The witch was
threatening to curse us all when the manual and the
efforts of four engineers got the audio system working.
From then on the noise levels increased steadily.

The arrival of the girl with the pregnant nun costume
opened the floodgates and the jokes started gushing out
from the inebriated baguth members. One of the names
she had picked out for her kid was Jesus. Her sister
(the milkshake) was telling Jedi that she was a teacher
at some suburban highschool. I chimed in saying that the
nun was the spiritual counselor at the same school. Before
the girls could respond, Jedi said "Really? That is so cool.".
I don't know if the girls laughed for my joke or his slowness
in getting my joke. The jokes continued till they had to leave
early - milkshake had to meet french fries and the nun had
to meet Brother Alfonso and return his bedroom slippers.

Seeing the nun grind ET's bony behind with her beachball
belly might be one of the most hilarious and disturbing sights
that I have seen. ET must have broken atleast four
commandments with that single despicable act.
=======================================
4) All doubts as to why J-man is referred to as 'Jedi' in
these blog entries evaporated on Sunday night when he
made a comment during a repeat showing of the movie
'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Everytime the TV channel
went to commercials, they were showing the trailers for
the upcoming horror movies. Jedi, in his most
matter-of-fact voice, said that the preponderance of gore
on the screen was due to it being the Halloween weekend.
Scott Adams says in one of his books that one of the
common characters in a company meeting is the MOB
(master of the obvious) who just adds useless, painfully
obvious information to something that the speaker said.
J-man is the master of all such MOB - the Jedi Master
of Obvious.
=======================================

PS: Managed to switch the comforters with ET. I'm
sleeping happily dreaming about spooning with
Alessandra Ambrosio.

comforter switcheroo

Dear ~ET~

Moved most of my stuff from C2C's house to the new apartment
in Barrington Lakes. SpiceTooth is moving in on Sat. Wanted
to enjoy "ammanama-parading-around" for 3 nights.

Was about to fall asleep in my new boudoir when I detected a
strange smell. I couldn't place it or identify it. I didn't know if
the possum that SpiceTooth and I scarred for life had come
back with its gang for it's sweet revenge when I was all alone.
It started bothering me enough for me to get up and switch
on the light. I stood confused and tried to locate the origin
of the smell for about five minutes before it hit me. The
comforter was not mine.

It is the same color and pattern as your comforter. But
mine is queen-size and smells like the bathrobe of a supermodel
who has been shooting an ad for bath salts all-day. Yours is
twin-size and smells like the undershirt of a construction worker
who has been working in 100F on a Phoenix highway all day.

I dunno how it got switched and I don't want to know. But
we have to exchange the comforters somehow this weekend.
Avoid any funny business with my delectable duvet till then.
Don't try going commando and traumatizing my poor li'l
buttercup blanket.

Thanks
Freezing Funkaboy

JJ blasts Gabtun

Gabtun is being blasted again. After having his ethnicity
questioned by Karunanidhi, his drinking habits are being
criticized by JJ, the supremo of the other big party in
TN politics. I guess she is ticked off that Gabtun is not
a one-hit wonder and that his party continues to split
votes away from ADMK.

Gabtun projects himself as the next MGR - an independent
entity who starts a new party and wins on popular support.
One of his main promises is to destroy corruption (as he
has said in about 1,312,492 words in his movies). The other
promise he has been making to corner the "thaaikulam" vote
is to deliver ration shop provisions directly to the
households.

JJ blasted him in her report saying that one can't trust
his words as "kudi-garan paechu vidinja pochu". She further
said that MGR never touched alcohol in his life and that
someone who is under the influence 24x7 shouldn't even
utter the name of MGR.

As usual, no one knows what prompted JJ to launch the
attack. Maybe Gabtun crank called her after having one
too many shots. Maybe he proposed to fill the void left
by the departure of MGR. Maybe she didn't realize that
his normal pronunciation itself is slurred.

But it should put to rest all the recent talk about
ADMK and DMDK joining hands to rein in the abuses of
DMK. I sincerely wish that some guy in Chennai starts
a C-SPAN style channel to cover Gabtun's speeches in
the legislature.

mini marathon

The dri-fit tshirt is washed, perfumed and folded. The comfy shorts
are right below it. The ArunPandian headband is on top of the pile.
The breathable bandaids for the nipples are in their wrappers near
the sink. The sweatproof nylon socks are resting inside the
endurance-optimized NewBalance shoes. The shoelaces
have been tied according to the height of the arch in
relation to the width of the foot.

Electronic, mechanical, electrical, human, solar-based, off-site
and all other types of alarms have been set to prevent a
Jean-Paul situation. Starbucks barristas are ready with their
gizmos to help the spectators track their favorite runners using
their bibs. The CPD is ready with the barricades, horses, segways,
cars and helicopters. I can already hear the "thwap-thwap" sounds
created by thousands of feet hitting the Chicago roads and can see
the hand-drawn banners. I'm like the kid in the Disney
commercial. I am too excited to sleep!

I remember my first marathon. I was in the fifth standard.
My school (a shout-out to SBOA CBSE Annanagar Chennai TN
600101, please) had organized the Mini Marathon to promote
World Peace (?!). The entry fee was five rupees. I had to
get a note from my teacher before mom realized that I was
serious about running. The race was to start at the Blue
Star intersection (the Annanagar Saravana Bhavan stands
there now) and end at the school grounds.

I had to get up at 0530, put on my white school shorts,
red Pallavan house t-shirt and my trusted canvas shoes. I
even put on a fresh coating of white shoe polish. I had
never been in a race longer than 50 meters. So I had not
heard about training for running or building stamina until
then. I just turned up to run, see if I can outrun my
archrival Godwin and get the free Glucon-D packet that
was promised to all runners at the finish line.

My friends and I got together, put our little heads (except
mine ofcourse, my head bloomed very early) together,
strategized on getting a head start and leaving the
rest of the crowd in the dust. We decided to worry
about the order of the finish once we were in the
lead and had more time to talk it through. The first
prize of a BSA SLR sponsored by TI Cycles was attractive
enough to test the bonds of our friendship.

The Annanagar Police had cordoned off the arterial
Second Avenue. The School Principal shouted out a small
speech and asked us to race away. Within five minutes,
my friends and I realized how tough the whole thing
was and how quixotic our dreams were. The race leaders
disappeared from our sight quickly. We chatted and ran
fast enough to keep up in the middle of the crowd and
well ahead of all the girls in our class. Surprisingly
for a beginner, I managed to finish the race without
much problems. Glucon-D had never tasted so nice
before that day. I was even able to save half the
packet to take back home.

I am amazed at the amount of training and self-torture
that SpiceTooth and Military have endured in these past
few months even before they ran the actual 26.2 miles.
I'm wishing the very best to you guys. Hope that the
weather cooperates and makes it memorable for you.

ET and I have decided to give you full body massages
with our bony behinds when you get to the Loft. GG has
already promised to cook you a scrumptious meal fit for
a Deshastha Brahmin king. Jedi has promised to add your
achievement to his list of excuses for not buying a
plasma. And ofcourse, you will get free Gatorade at
the finish line ;)

inchin's bamboo garden

I didn't know that "Inchin's Bamboo Garden" (IBG) was a chain. Thinking more, it is a great idea. I have always wondered why there isn't a popular, national chain of restaurants representing the Indian cuisine like the P.F.Chang's chain that represents Chinese food. Time to start the Americanization and assimilation. Can't wait for the future to see what fusion delights are cooked up by Americans exposed to Indian Chinese on a regular basis.

IBG has been launched in direct competition for the allegedly indo-chinese restaurant, "Hot Wok Village" (HWV). They are both located on Golf Road (the Fifth Avenue of Schaumburg), though separated by a few miles. For people, who thought that HWV was authentic indo-chinese food, IBG will be a sweet, spicy and tangy surprise.

I guess I didn't appreciate the Bombay Chinese style of HWV, after being exposed to the culinary delights served up by the Chennai Chinese roadside mobile hotels. Almost all HWV dishes contain a secret sauce as the base. This secret sauce is supposedly flown in from ATL every week by the Master Chef who works at the Atlanta HWV. After two or three visits, your appreciation for the sauce drops exponentially. Every dish begins to taste the same. This might explain why almost all desi visitors to Chicago make the pilgrimage to HWV (even though they dont have time for Sears Tower), whereas baguth members who live in close proximity to HWV try to avoid all possible contact.

Currently, the burnt garlic fried rice seems to be the dish du jour for the baguth members who have visited the place. The soups are good. The entrees are varied and better. And guessing from SpiceTooth's back-to-back visits last weekend, the spice levels are better than HWV. The best part is walking in and getting hit with the same aroma that you have encountered thousands of times, back home in Singara Chennai. The only complaint seems to be the high levels of noise. The place seems to be crammed with lotsa tables. Hopefully, they will cut back on the tables if the noise refuses to subside.

This review in a widely read publication is sure to bring lots of customers to IBG in the coming weeks ;) I hope that IBG maintains the level of quality of food and service and not become yet another Schaumburg restaurant that the baguth members visit almost daily for a month and then unceremoniously dump at the first signs of bad service.